How A Single Book Changed My Life After Divorce

Seeing my part was the beginning of building relationships that could actually last.

Photo by Lenin Estrada on Unsplash

My biggest struggle after my divorce was loneliness.

Not the kind most people imagine. It wasn’t just missing company, wishing I had someone to hug, or noticing that it had been a while since I’d seen friends. It was something harder to describe.

It felt like something was constantly missing. A quiet, persistent emptiness that followed me around.

I tried to solve that feeling the way many people do after a divorce. I looked for a new relationship.

For a while, that worked. I’d meet someone whose company I enjoyed and spend time with them whenever I could. I’d look forward to seeing them, and while we were together the loneliness would ease.

But eventually I’d be alone again. The weekends would come around, the evenings would stretch out, and the feeling would creep back in. I remember feeling anxious at the idea of nights on my own, as if something was wrong because I was alone.

Looking back now, I can see how powerful that kind of loneliness can be. It sits in the body, takes over the mind, and quietly drives behaviour.

For me, that loneliness drove me straight into a relationship that ended up causing a huge amount of pain.

At the time I thought I had found relief. In reality, I had just found a temporary escape.

I rushed in without really seeing what was in front of me. I became hooked on this person because when I was with him, the difficult feelings disappeared.

The shame, the grief, the doubt — all of it seemed to lift. When he pulled away or disappeared, the anxiety would flood straight back in.

We ended up locked in a painful cycle: my intense need for reassurance and connection, and his emotional unavailability.

Eventually I discovered he had been cheating, and I ended the relationship.

The aftermath felt like an avalanche.

I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think properly, and could barely eat. It felt like my whole nervous system had collapsed.

During that time I started reading everything I could about heartbreak and relationship patterns, trying to understand what had happened to me.

That’s when I came across a book called Women Who Love Too Much by best-selling author Robin Norwood.

Despite the title, the patterns she describes aren’t limited to women. Many men recognise themselves in these dynamics too.

Finding that book changed the course of my life.

For the first time I saw myself clearly on the page. I began to understand why love had so often felt painful and unstable, why I was drawn to emotionally unavailable people, and why my sense of worth felt so dependent on whether someone chose me or rejected me.

The book helped me see the deeper work that needed to happen. It also helped me look back on my marriage with more honesty and recognise some of the same patterns there too.

Reading it became the catalyst for some of the deepest healing I’ve done in my life. Not long after, I started recovery work around codependency.

Slowly I began to understand something important: until I could sit with myself, I was never going to feel free. I would always be looking to someone else to tell me that I was okay.

What I eventually realised is that loneliness after divorce isn’t a problem to solve. It’s often a signal that something deeper needs care and attention.

And then, recently, something quite incredible happened.

I reached out to Robin Norwood to tell her how much her book had impacted my life. To my surprise, she agreed to sit down with me for a conversation on my YouTube channel.

I never imagined I would one day be speaking with the woman whose book had changed my life so profoundly.

In this conversation we talk openly about something many people struggle with after divorce: The fear of being alone, and the urge to rush into something new just to escape that feeling.

Both Robin and I know what it’s like to run from the quiet after a relationship ends. We also know what happens when you stop running and allow yourself to sit in that stillness long enough to ask the harder questions:

What do I actually need now?

What kind of life do I want to build?

And what do I truly deserve in my relationships?

In the beginning, being alone after divorce can feel unbearable. I remember thinking something had gone wrong if I didn’t have someone in my life.

But that time alone can also create space. Space to heal, to grow, and to begin trusting yourself again.

And when you do that work, something shifts. When love eventually shows up again, you meet it from a very different place. You know who you are, you know what you want, and you’re no longer willing to shrink yourself or accept less than you deserve.

If loneliness has been a struggle for you since your divorce, I think this conversation may resonate.

You can watch the episode here:

Learning To Be Alone After Divorce

If you’d like to subscribe, I’ll continue sharing conversations and real talk about how to heal after divorce and rebuild a life you genuinely feel good about living.

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